THE SORROWS (Rated ‘R’ for mature themes, uncomfortable realities, and misunderstood reasons)
It’s just a small thing to me
Everything that happens all the time
It’s just a piece of the world
A part of the whole of it
In the ugly beautiful brilliant corner
The scared and shamed shadow corners
Lack of light leaning from light
Held together by expanding dissolving circle ends
It’s a great big piece of these gathering pieces of universes
I’ll be sad and know it
Know what it is
and I’ll like it like soup
THE DIALECTICS (Received messages approved in the here and now by myself in December of 2008)
Do you believe all things?
I believe some things
I lie about most things
I sleep at night
I misunderstand almost everything every day
I would be ready to be shown things as they are on rare days
My eyes don’t see well
They’re not made for seeing
They’re made to hide things
These eyes are good for little decaying shapes that don’t fit into the earth or the body
Some rusting device – nothing real
In not of
Lose to find
An embryonically divine natural enemy
Eat fruit to live and die
Die and don’t die
Change nothing when you change
Can you follow me?
You can’t do it can you?
Do it though.
You’re not a demon
You’re not a god
You’re not a human
You’re less than the dust
I love you and you can love me.
I’ll try to seek after all things.
Is there a question?
I have nothing for you that is new.
No riddles to solve or banquets to plan.
It’s just me.
I want to come
With something worth while
Something exciting or mysterious
I have me and I am afraid to give it away
I want to keep it and hide it and burry it and save it for fear
You understand that. Can’t abide it though and I’m glad.
Make me reach right?
I know your answers but am weary
Of believing it.
Weary of feigned effort. Weary of effort.
Weary of plural marriage and race relations and mohawk judgments.
I know… “it’s not you it’s me.”
I’d like to hear real words from you.
This song helps me to feel like you can speak real words to me.
John Coltrane keeps playing like you’re there.
Real improvised tears-
From your miserable joy.
How would that be!
Oh, please let it be
If I knew you were crying right now that would help.
OF NOT IN
She’s sleeping with a baby inside her.
The baby’s awake?
Baby’s moving she’s still.
Natural enemies and friends to God
Put together and held together by all things
All opposite things.
THIS TENSION IS OK
Don’t worry about worrying
This is normal to be worried about worrying
This is normal to be sadder today than yesterday
This is OK to be a person who is struggling
This is OK to be getting older and less sure
It’s part of it
You can love this too
You can’t have it
You can’t keep it
You can try
NOTHING CAN BE KEPT
Where would you keep it?
You don’t have any shelves on your shoulders
No storage in your organs or vessels
All must eventually be given before being asked.
All must be lost.
It’s mana – it’s not from here
don’t try to use it for what it’s not intended.
Don’t be afraid of serpents.
You’re lying to yourself with your closets.
It’s funny and sad and I understand that you need to
Store things to feel safe.
You’re afraid that all will be lost without control.
You’re right that all must be lost.
And it’s OK to be afraid today –
You’ll grow up and learn something
about illusions and fear.
WOULD TO KNOW (Today I would not be a swine to your pearls)
Today I wrote that “if I knew you were crying it would help”
I meant that.
Today I would not be a swine to your pearls
I would not hearken to another thing other than your tears
And your fullness.
But I think you have been crying and I am a swine. I don’t understand this
But making an attempt so
If you will-
I will become a lamb
(and then likely wander).
But I won’t walk off cliffs or into darkened dens.
Wanderings will be somewhat acceptable
A slight grazing on a distant hill before coming at your call.
I would come back every time.
And at night I’d stay up and listen to your sad Sheppard songs
The ones you would sing about the lost lambs.
I would want to stay close to hear you cry about those lambs
To understand the reasons for the world.